Wednesday, November 29, 2006

3 is a Magic Number


Ok, I'm about to get personal here, so bear with me. This post is not only long-winded, it is filled with grief, sorrow and a little bit of healing.

I learned about four weeks ago that I was pregnant.

Well, I thought I was.

It seems that I WAS pregnant, but that I had miscarried without being aware of it in October and the pregnancy hormone that fires up those pee stick home tests was still in my system, giving me not only a false positive, but also false hope.

I was so in shock when I saw those two pink lines that I woke Ben up out of a deep sleep and shouted that I thought I was pregnant and would he look at the test to confirm that I wasn't seeing things. He thought it looked like I was, but he was actually looking at the control line that's there all the time and didn't even see the other line that you get when the hormone is evident in the wee. In his defense I did come yelling from the bathroom and I didn't even turn on the light or let him put on his glasses before I made him give me an answer.

We were elated. We'd been trying off and on for a while now and it seemed our laid back approach of "if it happens, it happens" had paid off. I made an appointment to see a new doctor (I recently left my old doctor because I felt more like a health chart number than a patient and person at my previous ob/gyn) for that Friday. In the following days up until the appointment, I bought and took 4 more home tests.

Why? Because I'm a pessimist and I'm crazy and I never believe my lying eyes.

Well, I maybe should have believed them this time. I read up on false positives, because I didn't want to get my hopes up and then have them knocked out from under me. It seems that false positives are really, really rare, and 9.99 times out of 10, if you get that second pink line, you're gold.

Welcome, to the 0.01 percentile, Mar.

At the doctor that Friday I did a wee in a cup and they took some blood to test on and sent me on my way. I figured that if there was anything wrong, that by the following Monday, or Tuesday at the latest, I'd get a phone call from my doctor's office. No call, so I figured I was in the pink, so to speak.

Thanksgiving came and went, as well as a nerd convention (see previous posts on Wizard World), where I'm prone to consume large amounts of alcohol, so we decided to let the cat out of the bag rather than dodge questions of "Marlena, why aren't you throwing things and laughing at everything yet?" all weekend.

I also came down with a MONSTER of a cold that Ben was generous enough to pass on to me after he caught it the weekend of the convention, so not only was I "pregnant", I was also sick, and pregnant ladies can't take Nyquil and Mucinex cocktails, so I had to settle for Sudafed and Tylenol.

Suffice to say, I'm still sick, but it's downgraded to just a light cough and some stuffiness.

Yesterday, in what should have been the best doctor's appointment EVER, I learned that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

What? I just sat there on the examining table. Thankfully they didn't have me strip down or anything, so I had that much of my dignity left.

I was in shock. The first time I'm meeting my new doctor and she gives me a kick in the gut. Hi there, Marlena. Pleased to meet you and your empty uterus.

I hope I didn't give her a bad first impression because I became very stoic and didn't say a whole lot about it, I think I was channeling my Dad because I just started rambling about other stuff that had been going on with me physically before this and tried to act like it wasn't killing me. My Dad has an impeccable skill to not know how to react when either I or my sister are hurt, and so he just starts talking about walking it off and going out and having a nice meal and buying ourselves something nice. He can handle criminals in the streets with guns, but panics at the thought of either me or my sister in any kind of pain. Anyway, back to my doctor... she probably thinks that I'm a cold hearted monster, but I don't like to show emotions other than anger and happiness to complete strangers, so I was doing my best to not have a breakdown in front of her. I'm the first to admit that I have a fear that showing pain and hurt as an emotion makes me appear weak so I avoid it at all costs, sometimes to the point where I'm a bitch to be around. Plus, my doctor had commented on liking my shoes (checkerboard Vans at the time) and I didn't want to seem "uncool" at the fact that I'd just had the wind sucked from my sails and I was about to start crying like Ben Stiller at the end of There's Something About Mary in her tiny little exam room.

I left the exam room and went to the check out counter to schedule a yearly exam for January when I was sucker punched for a second time. The lady at the counter looked at my sheet which had $150 circled on it in pen AND in highlighter, just in case they missed it and I got out of there without giving them any money for the impending birth of my child. But there was also another nasty little word written on the sheet. "Negative". This confused the check out lady and so I had to blurt out "I'm NOT pregnant, so I'm not paying any money today. I just need to make an appointment."

After checking out, I signaled to Ben that we were done and I ran out of the office to the elevators, crying all the way. I explained to him what I'd been told, and we began our silent ride home where we had to deal with the next task of unringing our baby news bell.

Luckily our boss is cool and he let us stay home yesterday so we could just be together and mourn the loss of "Scooter". That was the nickname we'd given the baby until we knew what gender it was going to be. We called our parents and told them, then I watched trash TV and played video games all day to keep my mind from wandering back to the pain. I had some comfort food that I'd been avoiding for the past three months since I'd joined the gym, and taking some advice from Laura, I had myself a REALLY big Coke from Chick-Fil-A. 100% sugar and 100% caffeine.

Thank you to everyone who knew and gave us your condolences, and to those of you that didn't know, I'm sorry, we would have made a bigger announcement later on.

I'm less devastated by this development because I have done my reading and I do know how common this is. It's funny how once you go through something like this, how many women, friends and family alike, come out of the woodwork and tell you their story as if having a miscarriage is some deep dark secret. Well it's not. I would rather tell everyone about the miracle we almost had and let them share that part of our lives with us, than to not tell anyone and have to endure this grief in private. I think more women would be prepared for this kind of heartache and would have to go through less pain if it was something that was talked about more and not considered taboo.

While I do believe that things happen for a reason, I don't believe that everything in life is mapped out for us. I believe that sometimes we are given helpful, and sometimes hurtful, nudges in life so that we stay on our intended path.

We're both strong people, Ben and I, and I know we will get through this. So thank you to everyone who's on this journey with us, we'll keep trying and I'm sure we'll be announcing better, happier news in the near future. The world needs more artists and hopefully Ben's genes will overpower mine in that department and our children will make this world a more colorful and beautiful place.

Goodbye Scooter... I barely knew you, but I loved you just the same.


Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!


I'm about to head over the Ben's parent's house for a super loaded day of turkey, mashed potatoes and salads. I made some cookies for everyone, which are always a hit. Nothing is better than portable dessert.

I hope everyone has a great one!

Today I was thankful to be able to sleep until 10 because I've got a HORRIBLE cold that just refuses to leave my chest. It makes me sound like a chronic smoker or Muttley the dog when I laugh. Joy.


Thursday, November 16, 2006

Nightmare Ringtones


In other random awesome news, Cingular now has Nightmare Before Christmas ringtones. I just downloaded two of them and a desktop wallpaper graphic.

My phone is completely nerded out now.


Wizard World Texas Recap


So this past weekend was Wizard World Texas 2006. We had an AWESOME time meeting up with old friends and always making some new ones.

Ben and I had to work for half a day on Friday so we didn't actually get to the convention center until about 4 pm, which was ok by me. Not a whole lot goes on for the first day of the convention anyway, so we got there just in time to say hi to everyone and find out what was going on.

We had dinner plans with our friend Chris Powell, General Manager of Lone Star Comics (and one of the coolest guys you could EVER be friends with) plus our other friend from the Viper family, Nicc Balce, came along with us for some good Mexican eats. After dinner we headed over to David Hopkins' house to catch the tail end of his annual BBQ party and to pick up Tom Kurzanski. From David's party we headed to Zeus Comics so we could bask in the awesomeness of Kristian Donaldson, who was having a gallery showing there. Kristian is a really nice guy and he does some AMAZING art, so it was neat to see it showcased in such an interesting way, hung up all throughout the comic store. Richard Neal, owner of Zeus does some very innovative things to get people to his store and to further the coolness of comics.

Once we were done at the gallery showing, Ben, Tom, Nicc and I headed back to our place with some beer, Munchos and chocolate milk for an episode of Masterpiece of Shit Theatre at Hall House. I'm surprised that Nicc and Tom are still friends with us after the things we made them watch. Tom got a malt beverage called a Red Dragon that looked like watery pepto bismol and even the lure of cheap liquor couldn't save him from a rousing viewing of The Return of Captain Invincible and Los Campeones Justicieros.

Nicc ended up crashing at our place because we don't know where Jim Resnowski, Viper Editor, lives and we weren't quite sure that Jim would have been coherent enough to give us directions.

Saturday we went to the con and just had fun hanging out and doing our part to meet and greet. Once the con wrapped up we made a decision to go out to eat with everyone from Viper and whoever else was around... which ended up being like 20 people. Which is fine, but for some reason when that many people get together to eat, the best choice for restaurants are "I don't care" and "Whatever is fine." So I was running around trying to get a decision from everyone and it started to wig me out. We ended up at Chili's because it was close and I figured that there's something there for everyone to eat.

We had a good time at dinner and then Ben and I went back to our house to decompress for a little bit before the Bike Gang Live Art Show! Ben, Tom, Brock Rizy, Cal Slayton and Kristian were set to perform like art monkeys for everyone later that night at J. Gilligan's bar in Arlington. Lori and Chris came by to sit it out with me while we watched the boys do their thing. Nicc, Jim and Jim's girlfriend Laurie also came by to catch what was going on. Chris ended up with two pieces of art, one of Ben's and one of Tom's, so he made OUT!

It was really fun and Ben did an unprecedented amount of work: 2 solo pieces plus 2 jam pieces. It was also REALLY cold because they had us outside in a tent with a couple of space heaters to keep everyone warm. Ben ended up getting a cold and has been sick ever since.

This was my favorite jam piece of the night, just because Ben drew Blue Demon, and I love me some Blue Demon. Brock and Cal added the right amount of camp to this to make it the perfect 70's exploitation pinup. Kudos to whoever went home with this baby.

Sunday was pretty slow, at least for us because we had to do our domestic crap before heading to the con, like *yawn* laundry and grocery shopping, so we didn't end up at the con until about 3 that day. Tom needed a ride to the airport so we said goodbye to everyone after the con was over and headed over to Pei Wei for a quick bite to eat before taking him to catch his flight... which he promptly MISSED because American Airlines blows goats and they overbooked his flight. Apparently this gave them the right to make up a rule that you had to arrive 40 minutes early to check in or else you weren't allowed to fly. We get a call from Tom the minute we walk in the door from dropping him off and we have to turn right around and go pick him up.

Ben and I felt like COMPLETE asshats for making him miss his flight so we offered to put him up for the night. Monday morning we got him to the airport about and hour and a half early so we figured it was smooth sailing, right? Well, Tom let me know that while, yes, he did make his flight, it ended up being delayed by two hours. Poor Tom, he's not allowed to travel to conventions anymore.

All in all, it was a good weekend. So thanks to everyone who stopped by to say hi, we had a great time. I added all my pics from the weekend to my photo gallery under conventions. Here's the quick link. The pictures speak a lot better than my jarbled mumbo jumbo. To leave off, take a look at these kids, they were the CUTEST Jean Grey and Cyclops EVER.



Monday, November 13, 2006

You want updates? I'll give you updates!


Yeah, so it's been a while, huh? It's been a CRAZY bunch of two weeks in the world of Mar. As you know, there was Halloween, which I briefly went into. Plus Ben and I had our three year wedding anniversary! We've officially outlasted Britney Spears' tenth?, eleventh? marriage!!!

We also just got done with Wizard World Texas, which was this past Friday through Sunday (yesterday). It was fun times, we got to hang out with old friends we don't get to see very often and we also made new ones. The update on this past weekend will probably come later in the week after I go through my gazillion pictures.

Anyway, so Ben and I had our anniversary at the beginning of the month. He took me to the Antares Restaurant which is a revolving restaurant at the top of Reunion Tower in downtown Dallas. Reunion Tower is that thing that looks like a lit up microphone in the picture below:

It was AWESOME. It's the BEST food I've ever eaten. Seriously. I ordered a steak and was PISSED that I was too full to finish eating it. I sat and pouted as Ben finished his and mine in front of me. I had to save room for dessert, which we shared, which was also FANTASTIC. They do make a dessert that is the Tower made out of chocolate, but I heard another waiter describing it to another table and it didn't sound like it would be that good to eat, but it was pretty to look at. We ended up getting a tulip that was made out of orange flavored chocolate that had ice cream inside it with these two chocolate chopsticks that were similar to Pocky but without the biscuit center.

The restaurant takes about 55 minutes to make a full revolution and the view was spectacular. I had the best time, what a great husband I have. Sorry ladies, he's all mine.

We got a hotel room in Dallas for the evening so we could just hang out and not have to worry about the long drive home. Sadly, we were so tired after working such a long day that after dinner we just crashed in the hotel room. The hotel had a sleep number bed which I was super excited about at first, but after spending the night on one, I'll never own one. It's a glorified air mattress and while the sensation of being able to lay on it and inflate or deflate it on a whim is exciting at first, I felt like I was sleeping in a parachute and it was really hard to get in and out of it. Plus the middle was kind of lumpy so if your mate has a different "sleep number" than you, that also means that you will not be able to even lay near them in the bed because you'll be either on a mountain top or a crevice and your partner will occupy the opposite of whatever you are on. Pretty lame if you ask me.

We got up the next morning and drove to the Dallas World Aquarium. I've been wanting to go here ever since I moved to Texas because I'm a BIG nerd about wildlife and underwater wildlife are the cat's pajamas. So I was REALLY excited to be going.

Please excuse my wackadoo hair in this picture, it was early and my hair takes at least 5 hours to dry and properly "poof" out.

The aquarium was out of sight and truly amazing. They had about a gazillion little monkeys to go along with the birds that were allowed to just fly all over the place. They also had a three toed sloth that was just out in the open in a tree chewing on a root the whole time we stood to watch him. I don't care what anyone says, sloths are BADASS. I also enjoyed the sea turtles, because I love turtles and miss the ones I kept as pets as a kid. I had four of them and they were all named after the characters on the A-Team. Ask my sister if you don't believe me.

So we toured the aquarium and then drove around for a bit just checking out the city and Ben wanted to find the JFK monument that was somewhere downtown. It's not anywhere close to the grassy knoll, where you'd think it would be, but we ended up finding it and I took a quick action shot from the car while we were stopped at a red light.

It was nice to be able to drive around Dallas and not have anyplace to go or have a time limit that we had to be done by. Usually we have plans and have to be at a certain place and it gets annoying because Dallas is a great city, and it deserves to be driven through slowly whenever possible.

We ended our anniversary outing with a viewing of the Nightmare Before Christmas re-release in 3-D. And HOLY CRAP was it the BEST thing I've seen at the movies in a LONG time. I was so excited about it that I didn't want it to end! I had no idea what or how they were going to pull off remaking this movie in 3-D, because while the movie was filmed with puppets that are 3-D, the movie itself was never filmed in 3-D, as far as I know. I'll just say that I wasn't disappointed. I recommend EVERYONE who even remotely likes the Nightmare Before Christmas to go see this movie as fast as you can before it leaves the theatre. Even Ben, who, bless his heart, is VERY tired of watching that movie because he lives with me and I watch it all the time, was enchanted by it again and was super excited with me after it was over.

Even the 3-D glasses they handed out were pretty high quality. They weren't the old red and blue cardboard pieces of plastic crap of yester-year, but fancy, heavy, plastic, quality shades. If this movie is any indication on what Disney is planning to do with its 3-D technology, I think we're on the brink of some pretty magical stuff.

We ate dinner at Red Robin, which is always tasty and then we headed home. It was a great anniversary and Ben planned the whole thing. I was just along for the ride.

I took some pictures of the weekend and put them up in my photo gallery in the parties section. Here's the quick link for you lazybones.

Once I get all the pictures fixed up from Wizard World, I'll tell you guys about that wild and wacky weekend! Take care everybody!


Thursday, November 02, 2006

Happy All Souls Day!


I hope everyone had a great Halloween! We passed out candy to like 5 kids... it was pretty sorry, but we still had fun watching cheesy horror movies and eating candy corn pumpkins.

Also, today is my wedding anniversary! It's late and I've been SO busy that I don't have much time to write, but I will catch everyone up soon, I promise!

I put up our Halloween photos in the Holidays section of my photo gallery to hold you over.

Ben and I will be celebrating our third year of wedded bliss this weekend, and I'm sure I'll have tons more pics and much more to say then.

Hope everyone had a great Halloween and enjoyed the Dia de los Muertos holidays!!!


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